Confidence Booster

Friday the 13th really screwed me.

I'm being overdramatic, really today has been bittersweet. Most people would actually consider today as a blessing, so I'm happy for them.

Yes, the upu results are out today! I woke up listening to my mom mumbling about the upu result and that I should get up early. The result wouldn't come out until noon, but of course that was just a lie they tell us EVERY TIME THERE IS A RESULT THAT WE'RE WAITING TO KNOW.

By 10.30 am I checked Twitter and people had already knew the courses they were offered. Most were clearly over the moon and humbled by Allah's wonderful blessings. So much for noon eh? Some were too scared to click the button to know their future. I wasn't really nervous, but then my hands trembled like crazy when the upu website flashed on the laptop screen. It was nice that Syaza and my other friends were very encouraging, even though I got a bit scared and was on the verge of exploding.

The website asked for my matric number. At first I was like "Matric number? I have that? Geez what IS my matric number?!"

Yeah, it was that bad, actually. But then I shook my head after realizing my absurdity. My heart was beating quickly, palms sweaty, eyes focused and mouth muttering some Du'as to God. I clicked the button. Here goes nothing, I thought...

Nothing. It was literally nothing.

No offer was given. Well, it was as expected, but I don't know how else to say it other than my heart was being thrown downwards to my feet. I have no other option except for the one private university I applied and gotten into. I applied into MSU too but my heart wasn't too keen on pursuing my degree there. I think it was a sign from Allah. Because all along, even before the result, I dreamt that I was actually a part of the CUCMS community. It was as if my heart already belonged to the place. Maybe it's what's best for me. It definitely IS what's best, if that's what Allah has chosen for me to go. I mean it was upsetting to know that my upu application failed miserably, but at the same time I was happy because I finally knew where I was heading. I was going to study medicine, my lifelong dream, even without getting any offers from iptas.

Nonetheless, it was hard to tell my friends. They were so supportive though, especially my bestie Syaza. I don't know what I would do without her, she's my ultimate backbone, always there for moral support and encouraging words. I love her to bits, because she understands what I'm going through, having gotten rejected from upu once too.

My ex-classmates were nothing but sweet also. I was so proud of them, and it wasn't right for me to show my disappointment. Disappointments do suck. Instead, I focused more on the fact that all of my friends got what they wanted and I'm genuinely so happy for them. I can't wait to hear all of their amazing stories about their university lives, insyaAllah, all of us will have a bright future ahead.

I couldn't help but feel ashamed, but I realize that I won't let this get to me. No matter where I go to pursue my dream, as long as I'm determined to make it, I'll be just as good as those around me. I have to keep myself motivated, and this result definitely uplifted my spirits and determination. I'll prove to the world that the struggles I have and will endure only makes me stronger.

Say hello to the future medical student of CUCMS! I'm promising myself and my family that I'm gonna represent my generation as a doctor and not any less than that. God willing, I'll make it to the end :)

xoxo,
Zafirah.