Suppression

Some people are just lucky.

Why? Because they are loved. Well, here comes the self-pitying. I apologize for not warning you earlier that this is just another random burst of my boohoo moment in life. I understand if you don't want to keep reading. Stop now, close the tab and run for your lives, people. This disease of self-pity may be contagious and too depressing a thought to read. Can't say I didn't warn you now.

It's funny how my life has turned out to be. I hereby declare that I might as well be a psychic, no joke. I can tell you that I predicted what might happen in the future a few minutes well before it happens. Okay, so I may not be able to predict the future MOST of the time, but is it a total coincidence that a guy asked a girl to be his girlfriend a few minutes after I told her she should date him? Trust me, it's not. When I found out how he told her how much he liked her (he liked her more than the moon, and he's practically OBSESSED with the moon and wants to live on it), it was so cheesy, yet I felt like I wanted to jump with glee. I was all too happy for her. These things don't happen all the time, you know. Especially when I predicted of the love he was intending to profess, lol.

I was indeed, very happy of the two. But all this time, I was wondering when he will come to me. In order for that to happen, there has to be a 'he' first. There are a few, but it's just not meant to be. And now, with the exact amount of insecurity and hopelessness, a feeling of affection started to creep inside me. But why? Is it because of the way he treats me? Or is it just because of who he is? It has been a long time since our eyes met, and I've become accustomed to the fact that the moment our eyes meet again will not come in forever. And it's too late, and also, it's a good thing that we parted ways. If I had said something to give you the wrong idea of my affection, then you'll be gone just like that and I would be left with a feeling so painful that I might not live and breathe as the same girl ever again.

I want to meet someone like you. I want to be with someone like you, and if possible, I wanna be with you. It's you who I want, and if nobody is there to stop us from being together, then there's no turning back. Except, there's only one other person that's keeping us from happening. And that's YOU. It is you who has to decide whether or not you have the same feelings as I do. And it is you who will determine whether or not my heart stays strong or crack into shards of glass. And also, it is you who will save our friendship from the poisonous feeling of love and affection. I can't put away what I feel towards you, but at least, there is still a part of me that is repressing my love for you. Just for the sake of not wanting to lose you.