Scribbling To No End

I now have two journals that I need to update. The first is you, blog. You're my virtual diary, the primary place for my thoughts and opinions. The second is a red spiral notebook. Just a mere notebook I bought at the college mart. Nothing special, but it needed to be taken care of. It lacks scribbles, rants, incessant love and the whole enchilada of MOI. So, I'll oblige.

But honestly it's only because my English lecturer wanted all of us to write in it. What is all with these English lecturers and wanting us kids to own a freaking diary for heaven's sake? We have Blogger now -.- Anyhoo, she also asked us to hand down our profile by tomorrow. There's a list of things she wanted us to write. And the one thing I struggle to write down is : my strength.

My hands were on the keyboard, but my fingers just won't move. What IS my strength? And it better be something awesome. Because Puan Liz, she thinks she's so cool, she regards everyone of her students as lame and booooring. Oh yeah. Puan Lizana. I can't even EXPLAIN how....'complicated' she is. But I can tell you one thing. She's SOMETHING all right.

Back to my usual epic description of my humdrum life, I was groping my mind to find out what my strengths are. What is it about me that makes people feel admired? What do I have that not many possess? The questions kept pouring, but many are left unanswered. The answer should have been simple enough, but tonight, there is no such luck on that department. As always, when there are strengths, there are also weaknesses. The question asked for just ONE. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I could think of so many of my weaknesses that all of them can be listed, arranged and published as a book, even.

What I'm trying to say is that all this while, I've been trapping myself in a whirlwind of my very own weaknesses, that I've ignored the things that make me tick. Who I really am, and why am I admired by people. Of course, I have never taken notice about whether people do admire me or not. It has become a habit of mine to think that no one actually takes notice of me. I am fully aware that possessing a low self-esteem would get me nowhere, but this is just who I am. I don't think I'm that awesome a person, but if someone can accept me as a friend, family member and person, then I will appreciate it greatly.

So, to conclude this seemingly appalling and useless post, I have decided on "I'm an awesome friend" as my strength. Through my living years, I have learned to appreciate friendship and not try to take anyone for granted. Though I may not always meet everyone's requirements as being 'awesome', I have always love my friends and I try to make them as happy as I possibly can. I like giving compliments just to warm up a friend's heart and make her smile. If it makes her happy then my heart can flutter with gayness. Friendship is something I cherish, and if I lose this then my life will be meaningless.

This has become too emotional and cheesy. I have to stop watching family dramas on tv.