Mortification

It's official.

I have now appointed myself as the biggest disappointment in the world. I'm a sad excuse for a human being. I deserve none of the facilities and goodness that the world has to offer. I have no right to come against what Allah has given me. I'm ashamed that my face is seen around the halls of the campus, when I don't really fit in anymore. I try to, but I really shouldn't. The faces I'm used to seeing everyday : they deserve everything that they are given with. They fight this battle with determination, while I leave the battlefield and let them fight on their own. The distractions are just so...distracting. They are not created, nor can they be demolished, like energy. Okay, that statement is so not relevant, but at least I know that I've learned something while I've been leaving cobwebs here for the past few months. Learning 'something' just isn't enough when it comes to the new life I've become 'accustomed' with. It seems that I can live through this life but I have not actually accepted it as my life. I have to stop and think about my future. The future depends on this. MY FUTURE. Not everyone else's. MINE. I have to stop thinking that everyone else can change the future for me. I have to realize that if I don't change now, then it's over. Life doesn't slow down for anyone, so neither should I. The pace I'm going is far from achieving the highest of achievements. It's the pace of the loser in life. The speed of someone idle and uninterested as far as the world is concerned. I'm slowly pulling myself into the big, bad world of failure, and I'm going further and further away from success. And it seems that I ain't stopping anytime soon.