Losing It

I just hate it when I mess up. I would hate myself for messing up, and I would wish to turn back the clock so that I could warn myself of the blunder I made. But the primary cause of my self-hatred is that it made the people I love angry, and I never liked that, not even once. I'm sure most of you could relate, I mean you love them, and it isn't a lovable thing to do if you make them mad, is it? If I make a screw up, I would tend to keep those unwanted phases of my life in my head, even though I refuse to recall those tenebrous times. I guess it's a sign that my brain wants me not to forget everything that I have done wrong, so that I won't repeat those wrongdoings anymore. Nevertheless, I hate to recall them again. To have those somber flashbacks, to have my mistakes pointed out to me. It's a way for me to learn a lesson. But those mistakes, they don't just teach me a lesson, they also make me realize what a useless person I am and that I always keep getting caught up in the same blunders over and over again. I don't wanna think of myself as a bag of crap, having not much use to this world. But I can't help but feel that way whenever I screw up. College is coming fast, and I can't afford to make any slipups. My head is spiraling out of control, I just wish to run away for a little while.