This Will Happen

"Don't say the 'B' word ever again."

I don't wanna make myself think that I'm a loser. Especially around people who seem to think that I have it in me. I have confidence. I'm wild. I'm vivacious. I laugh hysterically like there's no tomorrow.

But I cry myself to sleep, dreading the day ahead.

That doesn't make me confident, nor happy. The truth is, I'm a very, very sad person. I look at other people, and I know I shouldn't be doing that. Others have warned me not to judge and compare myself with people around me. But come on, this is life. I'm human, and I can't afford to be perfect all the time. So, I constantly compare myself to others. And the result has been disappointing so far. I don't blame anyone. There are those who can keep their brains neatly organised while I mess up whenever my brain can't take the information overload from all the studying. And then there are those who shines beautifully without them trying while I try so hard to hide myself in fake beauty and I still don't get recognised.

There are also those who got the brains and the beauty. It's innocent for anyone to hate their guts, since the world has spared these people the cruelty of life by giving them everything most people have ever dreamed of.

Including me.

And I don't get it. I have never gotten to solve the mystery of life. I don't understand why some people have to suffer while all the others who are content with their lives ever do is watch from the corner?

I'm missing the whole point of why I intended to post this crap. The 'B' word is all I ever hear from girls nowadays. I kept saying to myself "you'll have your chance soon." and "give yourself more time. It's bound to happen some day and when it does, you are ready."

Well, what if I get sick of waiting? Humans are not made from a perfect mould. We are distinctive, and we have a mix of various flaws attached to our DNA. Sometimes, all I can think of is 'When?'

When will I get my chance?
And if I ever hear someone say "soon enough", I might explode.