Why Do I Even Try?

i can only hope for a friend that is completely honest. she's not fake, she's just honest to you, she'll tell what she wants to tell, straight at your face. she will not hold back. and of course i'll shudder a bit after the overflowing honesty (because i can never tell if i screw up in front of people), but i'll be alright. i think i've already figured out the person behind all that acts of kindness that she used to give me. i've never realised it before, because my eyes were blind to the fact that her eyes were never honest. they sparkled with an usual brightness, maybe because she lies a lot. i know who she is, simply because i've been her supposed friend back then. she would be polite to a certain person, but behind the person's back, she'll hiss out mean things about said person. she'll say them to me. and i thought it was perfectly normal. like i said, i was blind. well i was deaf too i guess but that's not the point. anyway, if she does that to every person she hates, chances are, she'll say things about me to other people too. and that's what i've realised just now. i know, i'm slow. i never wish or intend to befriend someone like her anymore.