Obscenity

I've acted shameful since my feelings started to change. It's been about a month now. Your name is stuck in my head for hours every day, and when something happens, it always reverts me back to you. I'm not the kind to butt in, nor am I the kind to ignore. I'm just in the middle, I'm the kind to play with my thoughts by myself, but I observe from afar with a sense of longing. I'm the kind to give subtle hints, but just enough to make you wonder and think for a second. The problem is, not everyone understands the messages I'm trying to deliver. The oblivious ones don't give a crap about what I'm trying to say. And neither do you, though I'm afraid to give you any hints; I don't want what we have now to deteriorate and disappear into thin air. Because it's nice to have what we have now than to have nothing at all. I'm ashamed to even be among those people call as 'desperate' though I'm absolutely convinced that I am. Desperation creeps from within me, and I'm thinking of a way to throw this feeling into the can. I realize now that I can never have you by my side, nor can I ever make you mine. That realization hadn't dawned on me until now. I was living in denial, and today I'm finally starting to accept the pain I'm given with. The pain of not having you around to cheer me up, make me smile and supporting me no matter what. Revenge has not a place in my heart. All that's left inside of me is a beating heart with a broken soul. The feeling of actually wanting you is unbearable. Please get out of my head before I explode and cease to exist.