Deadpan

i'm living the life of an emo person. someone who does all the chores, without hesitating, not reluctantly. i'm not complaining about anything. except of course, now that Aaron Kelly is booted out of American Idol. Americans are losers. anyway, my life is nothing near a roller-coaster ride. it's not hectic, in fact, it's breezy and slow. unless you count the fact the mid-year is due for the week after next week. there's nothing to look forward to each day. i'll wake up and bathe, i'll eat and go to school, i watch tv, i workout, normal stuff. i guess that i'm pretty much depressed. but i say to myself all the time that i'm not. i'm happy. but my heart can't accept it. there's something missing, and i have yet to find out what it is. i'm not happy, and it's the truth. when i'm all alone in class, i see people laughing and having a good time, and i can't help but feel a certain hatred towards them. i hated them so much, i wanted to kill myself to stop seeing them being so happy like that. that's what i feel sometimes. and when your life feels good at the moment, a person who you love dearly, must be right there with you too. oh, how i hate you. i hate that you're really happy and i'm not. i hate the fact that you found your soulmate and i haven't. nobody likes me, nobody feels the same way. can anybody say that i'll be alright? can someone please just hold me and smile and say that i should look up at the sky, that there's still hope? no. because i'm all alone, no one understands.

*sobs* ily, Aaron :)