You Torn Me Without Touching

just when something my hands can finally hold on to, it slips away like pieces of shredded paper being blown off by the wind. like water in a holed bottle. or like another person's hand, disappearing away from your clutches when you least expect it. it's a depressing thought that someone who you think dearly of, wants nothing to do with you anymore. it makes you feel sad, depressed, angry, ashamed and you think of yourself as a loser. i have always thought of you as someone i can hold on tight and never let go. i long for those deep and meaningful conversations we used to have. i admit that there were times i felt we shouldn't be with each other for quite awhile. i wanted some space and we did have enough space. but how much longer do you need? i decided that i don't want a space between us. i want us to reconnect again. but you don't seem to want that. it's like, you just forgot about everything we had. you have no idea what this situation has done to me. i felt almost broken. not almost, i was broken. you were the only one i had, and i lost you. it's my own fault, really and i shouldn't be a bitch and whine about you. but you, you should've known better. you know me better than you think. you know i get lonely ever so often and i never needed to tell you to be there for me. and when you're not there, it hurts. it hurts so bad that i even considered to BEG you to come back, to be my emotional support. because i need it now more than ever. and now that the backbone of my life is nowhere to be found, you let me fall down to my knees and become lifeless. but because i want you to be happy, i hope you are happy with your life right now. you obviously don't need me, and so i will try to force myself to just, just think that i don't need you anymore. a tough task to complete when the walls you build are crumbling down to the earth.